Working hard is sometimes underrated in todays society : sometimes your life is boring coz you are working towards something bigger and thats okay - a random short assay

Collections of random essays to reflect on my last couple of weeks (setsuko mode alert)

Growing up means dealing with setbacks faster, getting out comfort zone and putting down ego

Funny I remember back in high school I used to be obsessed about myself (I guess everyone is the same) - I care a lot about my IG stories/ profile etc and how people think of me. And now I just dont care - I AM a small potato. My opinion means nothing. I don’t look cool today and that’s okay etc (Not being pessimistic here - it’s just you know .. it don’t matter - I don’t matter). That’s when I realised I am growing up low-key.

I also accepted that I SUCK/ not a smart boy. But that is not an excuse for not spending effort (you see the difference here?). I was thinking lately about whether to submit an abstract again for a conference. Should I put myself out there and be exposed AGAIN? Yeah fk it who cares - you can think of my as badge. Judge me all you want. It might be bad this time but it will get better next time. I am just gonna get some practice in the meantime. Being badge is not an excuse for not trying.

Ego is the enemy. I don’t want to admit it but it did feel good to think you know more than someone else etc/ or you have more experience. WAKE UP, I don’t matter. I am nothing. (Not being pessimistic here although it does sound like it). Just think other people are 2x smarter than you and try to learn from them you moron. Stop pretending you know shit and start asking Q/ looking up Q when you don’t understand sth fully. Moron.

I think I am getting more mature over the last few weeks; Adulting yay (oops I think I watched too many setsuko lately)

My life is boring and that is okay.

Working hard is just underrated these days. Back in the days people who work hard are the cool guys. Now they just look lame. Yeah no fk you I am the cool guys. I work hard everyday and I am working towards something bigger. You are lame I am not.

Setsuko mode activated

Sorry :) I am having a mini nicotine withdrawal last/this week (vaping did feeeel good). It is actually quite funny to look in hindsight (the emotion turmoil over the last week). I remember yesterday and the day before I was quite philosophical - like what’s the point of anything. And I was quite judgemental about myself and was scared what other people think of me/ whether they will judge me etc. Today I think I grew up. Adulting means I need to have my own set of believes and try hard everyday (nice definition). I can’t just sitting here and be worried about everything everyday that I might make a mistake/ fk up/ say sth wrong again. It is okay. Be easy on yourself and focus on where you want to go. Just fix them on-the-fly if you fk up again. It is Okay. I repeat it is Okay. Don’t worry. Focus.